1. Whenever anyone says they like something of yours, no matter what, say "Thanks, I made it myself."

Example:
"I like your watch."
"Thanks, I made it myself."


This is one of those jokes that isn't quite funny enough to get a laugh, and if your family hears you tell it only two times, they will be irritated and will start to dislike you.

2. Always ask for "one of each".

Example:
"I'm going to the hardware store, you need anything?"
"Mmm, I'll take one of each."

Again, it's not really funny, AND it's annoying as well!

3. Use the Bible to justify everything.

Example:
"I won't eat the crusts of my toast because the Bible says not to."
If anyone has the audacity to ask for specifics, get defensive and say that you can't remember every little detail.

4.Constantly talk about wanting to kill the dog "when the time comes".

Example:
"I think Spot isn't feeling well. You know, when the time comes, I'm going to have to put him down myself. I wouldn't feel right about a strange vet doing it."
This is particularly effective when Spot has peed on the carpet or has been barking at the mailman.

5.When your spouse's favorite song comes on the radio, talk very loud.

Example:
"Why are you yelling?"
"Sorry, I'm just trying to be heard over that crappy music."

6. Loudly pretend you know famous people in public. This works well while waiting in movie lines.

Example:
"It's good we're finally seeing this. I told Leanardo I'd see his film weeks ago."
It only takes one time with this one to irritate both your family and others too!